I’ve got a tumour!!!!! How the hell did that happen? Uninvited and unwelcome, he can bugger off now.
So I’ll share the evening of his discovery.
Walking home from a rainy walk, I’m as usual on the phone having a natter, I don’t realise it but I start talking weird, those who know me know that this us not unusual, but this weird talking was VERY weird. After a series of strange text messages, my not realising they were strange (I was simply trying to apologise) my friend raised the alarm and I got taken against my will to the hospital. Now at this point I truly believed I had nothing more than a water infection and that had mashed my head, strange but apparently true.
After an hour or so of laughter because I’m feeling better now, I got called to see the doctor and my terror started, I forgot my name, my friends name, everything and as I knew the weirdness was starting again I cried. I didn’t know what was happening or why and I cried more.
This started a series of things, conversations, scans and questions. After several hours, my daughters arrival, my friend still there, we were shown the scan images and told I could have breast cancer, brain cancer or a collection of other possibilities. Terror does’t tell you how I felt.
I am still acting a bit weird but anyone who knows me knows that this is not usually out if the blue but telling the hospital staff that “I do not like this hotel ” as I’m being wheeled to my ward at 2am is not my usual weird!
The next day my girls arrive back at 9am and my relief to see them is more than I would have ever believed, I don’t know how I brought up these amazing women but they are amazing, beautiful, clever, supportive and have turned into my rocks.
So start the tests, MRI scan, 20 minutes of being stuck in a tube with a mirror showing you a pretty picture and the radio playing Ed Sheeran, 10 minutes in and the tears come, these weren’t tears of being stuck in the tube, but tears of my own wow, wow for the amazing jobs I’ve had, wow for the amazing places I’ve been, wow for the fantastic friends I’ve got and wow is this it?
This was 10am, after a FULL day of hanging around, laughing with the girls, chatting to the other patients and staff, watching my amazing girls interact with everyone, we finally get told the diagnosis. I am an enigma! This is a meningioma, seemingly benign, a third of the size if the left of my brain, pushing to the front where the personality lives and they don’t know what to do with it. Along come more and more tears.
I finally have time alone, the girls and a friend have taken their tears home and left me with mine and hours on the phone. I don’t want to go back to the ward so spend hours chatting on the phone trying to sort this rubbish out in my head. How the hell did this happen?