Blog chat day on the last day of the year? The day of reflection of everything that’s happened over the last 12 months, I honestly don’t know where to start.
I started the year with fresh plans for a great one thinking everything was settling down and I wouldn’t have the seizure fear anymore, well obviously that didn’t happen. The shit part of that is the fear is bigger than ever, the better side of it is that I am a LOT more careful with what I can do, I am kinder to myself that if I feel like a rest day then a rest day I will have. I also don’t take the crap that people at times can be happily dish out. I am happy to tell someone to keep their crap to themselves cos it’s not welcome in my life. I have learned to be a LOT more appreciative to those around me, my close friends, my amazing family. I love them more than I ever have and I have really always loved them a lot. I see the strength in them, the will to make things right and happy.
With the help of slimming world I have finally lost the weight that I’ve been trying to shift for about 20 years and I love it, I love the group and the plan and the friends I’ve made. Now I look at myself (as most women do) and wonder what’s next? Well my what’s next is tightening up the wobbly bits, and I was hoping to do that with my slendertone stuff but having discovered that because they give you little electric shocks that might cause a seizure I will have to do the squats physically, bummer really because after doing 2 lots of my slendertone shorts my arse feels like I’ve done 200 squats. Oh well get squatting and not sitting hahahaha (it made me laugh anyway 🙂 )
I knew at the beginning of the year I wanted to complete my studies and start working, this is coming to fruition, slower than I wanted but there’s no hurry, it will come in good time and I am happy with that. With the launch of the website and the facebook and twitter pages, the writing of the 6 week classes and selling the classes into the hospital, schools and Dr’s surgeries for staff, I am genuinely hoping to help my community and that sounds overly virtuous and it isn’t meant in that way at all. That hospital have saved my life more than once, a box of chocolates doesn’t say thankyou, teaching a group of staff how to calm themselves when someone has died in their arms or someone has screamed at them because their food is late or because they are in pain, for 12 hours a day, every day. Dr’s surgery staff used to have the reputation of being rude and arrogant, but having spent long times waiting in line for my appointment or for my prescription and seeing the way people see fit to speak to another person makes me want to cry for that person and vomit for the bad manners of some people, I hate bullies and bad manners and I always have, even though you are struggling or angry there is never a reason to speak to another living being like the dirt from your shoe, never. Those people spend hours every day doing a job to help you and then have to go home to their families. A box of chocolates doesn’t say thankyou enough, but teaching them to be calm and how to cut off work from home is saying thankyou. Teachers get it just as bad, their work hours are not what parents see, they spend they weekends and evenings planning a weeks work for a class of over 30 children, they often get treated so badly by children who think they deserve 100% of attention and when that child doesn’t get it the teacher will get a double barrage from the spoiled child and their parents. For a teacher to see a child they’ve taught excel is a huge achievement but to get to that point is traumatic and difficult. A box of chocolates doesn’t say thankyou. Teaching that person to step away from a difficult situation so they can catch their breath, to learn to put themselves first so they can put others first, that’s the way I want to say thankyou.
I sound like I’m being virtuous but those of you know me personally or read me know that I am not that person. I see the society we live in and it frightens me, we have people living on our streets and starving at the same time we have people who think they deserve the world at their doorsteps without having to work for it. There seems to be a kink in our generations and we need to put it right. We all need to put ourselves first but not in the selfish way, in the way that healing yourself means that you can do better for those around you. Be kind, look around at what you could do for someone. As I think back at the strangers I’ve bought a cuppa for, the person who looked a bit more lost than me that day that I went and just checked they were OK, the homeless people I have chatted to, actually sat down and chatted. I look back on these and am actually proud of myself, proud that I don’t have the self riteous feeling that I’m better than others. I used to have that and I am not proud.
My 2019 plans are to continue with that kindness and to give something back. I want to see my business launch happen. I want to laugh a lot more with my friends and family. Nearly every day I count my blessing for the people around me, nearly every day cos there are other days when I want to wallow in my own misery of poor me, but those days don’t last long. I want to be part of the bubble that is going to help our society and our planet to heal. I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and say I am part of that. I want to be as amazing as the people around me. I am so lucky.
Happy New Year to everyone around me and everyone reading this. Lets make it brilliant and thankyou, there will never be enough thankyous to the people I am lucky enough to have in my life, and that goes for the people I love and do not like because you are all a lesson. And on that note I am going to enjoy my terrys chocolate orange with a cuppa before getting ready to go out to see the New Year in, not out out, just out 🙂
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