Sooooooo this week I’ve been asked to look at weddings and the effect of organising a wedding these days has on couples and to be honest I am SHOCKED.
When I think back to my wedding I can laugh. My dress was given to me by a friend, it didn’t fit so my mother in law (who was a tailoress) made it fit. My sister in law made my bouquet, with flowers we bought from a cheap local shop, we sent out wedding invites from either WH Smiths or woolies (those old enough to remember that will know what I’m talking about) and they probably cost 99p for a pack of 20, I had 2 mini bridesmaids and their dresses were made again by my mother in law (I was very lucky that she was very talented) The wedding breakfast was a curry cooked by my father in law and there was no dress code. There was no fuss about who was sitting where and with who, no worry about upsetting anyone who is or isn’t invited. Now wedding planning is VERY stressful.
THE DRESS – Of course it has to be absolutely perfect, once it’s chosen the bride then diets until it fits, I spoke to a few managers of bridal shops and they’ve said that almost every bride goes on the ‘wedding diet’ as soon as she’s chosen her dress, which can also be madly expensive. That goes for the groom too, I’m told that the majority of grooms will join extra gym classes to get toned before the big day. Seems a real shame to me that there is so much pressure on the couple that fell in love with each other exactly as they are but feel the need to look uber perfect for the wedding photos. The bride also needs to consider her hair, make-up, nails, skin, flowers, shoes and the list goes on and on.
VENUE – When I got married we booked a local pub, restaurant or hall for our wedding breakfast, now it seems to be a must to have a venue that costs literally £000’s and that doesn’t include a meal, noooooo that’s extra of sometimes £25 a head. Then there’s the extra cost of some entertainment.
FINANCES AND EXTRA JOBS – In order to pay for the wedding and all the extra couples end up working even harder than they already are, once again my mantra of working harder than ever to earn the money to pay for the ‘stuff’ that they don’t want or need. But for the big day wanting and needing is a must so work longer hours, take on second jobs to pay for it all, that of course if the couple don’t want to take extra loans that they’ll spend years paying for or if they don’t have families with plenty of cash. The average cost of a wedding in the UK right now is £30,355 (that number actually makes me feel a little bit sick)
STAG AND HEN DOO’s – Here we go again, I have heard the most horrendous stories of stag and hen doo’s, stags that get lost or arrested, now lets be honest that’s never been any different but instead of being local to home, now it’s Prague or Dublin where the groom (or his mates) can be arrested and can’t get home. The bride has little to do with her hen weekend (yep got to be a weekend) with a dozen mates, many of who don’t like each other and the stress and arguments caused makes the whole thing worth not bothering a lot of the time for the poor bride and her maid of honour who is in charge of organising this party.
FAMILY AND FRIENDS – With the amount of family break ups now this is a really difficult thing for the poor bride to sort out, divorced parents, aunts and uncles, cousins or friends and their spouses can’t be sitting together. Who gets invited or left out? There is only enough money to go around to feed everyone and with couples often not living in the part of the country they grew up in there is who is going to stay where to think about too, more stress, more worry and more money
BRIDESMAIDS – I’ve seen weddings where there are a dozen bridesmaids because the poor bride can’t decide who she can and can’t leave out so it ends up being so many so she doesn’t hurt or upset anyone. The bridesmaid dresses have to suit everyone and this is another tough one for the bride, with her bridesmaids being different shapes, sizes and ages and one size absolutely does not fit all, so what is she to do? Apart from work an extra month of evenings to pay for it all
FLOWERS, PHOTOS, MENUS AND INVITES – Next to consider is this list of more stuff, no chance of making your own bouquet for £10, the bouquet, table decorations, bridesmaids flowers and buttonholes all need to match everything else on the day, everyone has to love and has to be paid for. The photos are the next thing, and a photographer for the whole day is a fabulous way to make the memories or every moment, from the brides make up and hair being done to the ceremony, to the first dance and family pics. All traditional and a little bit more, sadly not such a little bit more money. The menu next and again the bride and groom want to have something they love but it has to suit everyone. Weddings I went to a hundred years ago, you were fed what you were given and you were grateful, usually nothing different to a Sunday roast and that was great. Of course there are the considerations, vegetarians, vegans, allergies and intolerances and on and on it goes. What can I say about this but it’s another stress and a wad more cash. Of course there are the invites, no chance of popping to WH Smiths anymore, the bride will spend weeks with a designer to have the perfect invite.
Now I am sounding like a right old grump about a damn good wedding and I’m really not, I do worry about the amount of financial stress, organising stress, social worries and weight worries that couples are under for their big day. It makes me realise why so many couples choose against all this to just bog off overseas by themselves and have their own day.
So here are a few tips to make it all a little easier and a little less stressful
- Relax Easier said than done but if you know where and when you are likely to get stressed you can prepare yourself for it and this automatically makes it less stressful. Meditation can help you deal with these stressful times, The simple act of sitting quietly in meditation will reset your body, mind, breath, and nervous system, and will lead to increased happiness, creativity, and productivity. Your daily meditation practice does not need to be (and in fact, shouldn’t be!) hours long. When practiced correctly, even 10 or 20 minutes can make a big difference in your mood and set the tone for the rest of your day. https://naturallycalmtherapy.co.uk/meditation-plymouth/
- Be decisive Make a decision as to who has what part to play, like who do you want to be your bridesmaids or groomsmen. Have a chat with the friends and family and make any explanations that you feel you need to before an awkward situation arises. Your friends and family should be happy to support with your decisions, if they’re not then that’s their choice.
- Set a financial plan As we’ve already discovered one of the most difficult things for couples to deal with is the finances, so set a budget and stick to it. Be realistic and have a bit of an contingency budget of about 15% set aside with a view to not touching it.
- Give yourselves a break You really don’t need to spend every moment of every day thinking and planning your wedding. Meet some friends (and ban wedding talk), go for a walk, read a book and relax with some meditation. As much as there is a lot to organise remind yourself that it really is just one day
- Remember how gorgeous you both are You both fell in love with the people you are. If you really do need to lose a pound or two how about trying some hypnosis, it’s proven to be effective in aiding the weight loss mindset without putting oodles of pressure on yourself https://naturallycalmtherapy.co.uk/product/hypnotic-gastric-band/
- Make sure your guests know what’s what No kids means no kids, where the venue is by postcode means your guests can organise their own accommodation. Remember this is your day and providing your guests with as much information as you can with the invite is going to reduce questions which means this will reduce any worry, stress and anxiety for you.
- Avoid all the drama Ladies who have bought the same dress, guests who don’t like the food, who buys what from the gift list, all these are not your problem so don’t get involved, tough love means let your guests be grown ups and deal with their own ‘stuff’. Your job is to enjoy it all and make fabulous memories for yourselves.
- Have fun with it It’s too easy to get worried that everything is going to be OK for everyone, the important thing is that everything is going to be exactly as you both want it, so if you want fish finger sandwiches for your wedding breakfast then have exactly that
- Don’t sweat the small stuff If every detail isn’t exactly as you imagined it don’t go into panic mode, because it’s really OK if the napkins are the wrong shade of lilac or green it’s not a tsunami, nobody is going to die as a result of it. So shrug it off and remember that you have decided to have fun with it
- Finally, work as a twosome Make your decisions together, if the groom wants to wear shorts that’s his choice. If the groom wants paisley or tartan decorations but the bride hates those patterns, agree between you something that you both love. One of you may meltdown at some point and that’s fine, the other can make a cuppa or pour a glass of something stronger and give a massive hug, run a bath or do what you know it takes to calm things. Stick together and all will be great
I hope all this is helpful, I have a couple of weddings to look forward to and they will be utterly beautiful and I will cry (I always cry) and I will wish the bride and groom a wonderfully happy future as man and wife and I hope that they are not totally knackered by their perfect day to enjoy it as much as they deserve. So raise a glass to the bride and groom and have an awesome day.
Have a great week everyone 🙂
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